Tuesday, July 25, 2006

BEWARE OF CHIMERA ENTERPRISES

DeWolff, Boberg & Associates

240 comments:

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  3. Interviewing at DBA is hard but not impossible. Most companies will conduct phone interviews for the initial screen; let them know your situation and most likely they will work with you on a late Friday or Saturday interview. Remember to always keep in touch with a few clients becasue they will make the best references.
    Making 80k in 2 years is not likely, but it has happened. Think more about being promoted within 30 to 36 months (that is if business is doing well). Here is some advice for job seekers:
    * Keep specific notes on accomplishments (measurable) and include some on your resume. Be able to talk to them in an interview
    * Understand all of the lean manufacturing terminology. Understand SMED, line balancing, 5 Why, 5S, Observations, RE's, visual boards, etc.
    * be able to articulate how a culture is changed (it is not following the supervisor all day that gets the change; it is not the fact that you have a DSC in place that gets you savings or improvements).

    DBA has a great tool in the passport...too bad that only a few could really train you on it. Most of the PMs and Chiefs wouldn't be able to. For example, ask your PM to expalin a histogram (if he/she does not mention the word "standard deviation", then they have no clue. Ask about SPC, do they know that the upper and lower limits are calculated?

    Here is a favorite analysis discussion:
    Client: "Does DBA utilize Six Sigma tools?"
    DBA: "Yes we do, we have a similar approach"
    Client: "So you use the DMAIC approach"
    DBA: "Sure" ...thinking "how does this client know that DMAIC stands for "DeWolff Must Attract Incoming Cash".

    (DMAIC = Define, Measure, Analyze, Implement, Control)

    I would bet that Lee or others look at this site, they are too paranoid not to!

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  4. I agree that some of the AMs are better than others, I guess they have their bad days as well. As for why they put so much emphasis on the first week is an easy question; it is $$$$. The 1st week of analysis is free to the client. They treat you like shit because they all think they are so smart. Some of the people on the analysis ended up there because they were such assholes that they could not manage a client or a project (except for Freely, I hear he was a good PM). Bell is also clueless!
    We could rank the PMs but people view PMs so diferenty that I am not sure we could agree. I know we have some incompetent ones and we have also lost a few good ones.
    Haven't heard about the exodus in October, but that is an old story! Whenever bonuses hit we see good (and bad) people go.
    Put a PM's name in and we can rate them on a scale of 1 to 5 (5 being good).

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  5. I was thinking about ranking the PMs...but it is possible that I am one! Anyway, I find it more fun to talk about some of the shit heads we have for chiefs. I think the expression "too many chiefs, not enough indians" came from the consulting world. Think about it. The chiefs have the power to control your world! Ok, That was too deep.
    Here is the ranking system: I base it on personality, knowledge, compassion, shows up to work on Sunday nights, ability to play solitaire in the birdroom (hey Michael, that does happen a lot. I think you should require chiefs to bring their laptops to the chief's meeting so that you can inspect how much time they log in playing games. That would be easier if you actually PAID for the laptops!), how they dress, if they actually know the names of the staff, if they buy dinner once in a while (let's not get me started on the per diem bullshit...), if they show up at work before 10 am and don't leave before 3pm, and one last thing, please don't tell us how big your boat is (Michael) or how much your wife spent on wallpaper.
    My first victim is Brian Phillips. We all know he scores 0 on personality. Would anyone like to comment? He also has some serious problems in understanding the difference between right and wrong. Someone please tell him to shave that mustache and get some clothes. He also needs to learn to keep his stupid opinions to himself. The sad thing about him is that he thinks he is funny... sad, so sad!
    That said, there are a few good chiefs out there. Hopefully the little asian guy will not chase them all away.

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  6. Hey "I Want my $2.00":
    Thanks for your candid view on Brian Phillips, the chiefs, and the little asian guy.
    I want to comment on all the stuff you wrote, it is good; but first I'm going to let you cool down a bit. No job, and especially this one, are worth all that grief.
    I'm trying to think of the last chief I saw work 3 hours on client related stuff...can someone help me? Chiefs do not go out on the floor because those people (the clients) are so below them; someone might question why it is necessary to have an hourly DSC when bi-hourly would do. Shit, someone might as them about an histogram (oh shit...what in the hell is that?). You see, a chief cannot be made a fool in front of the client or staff.
    DBA will eventually fail. People like ourselves will use technology to broadcast why DBA and others like them are bad for employees and clients. DBA will also fail because of the greed that is at the top.
    Up until now, clients have done "DBA" searches on Google and have found the famous Rexnord lawsuit. Do you know who the chief was on that project? It was the little asian guy. Do you also know that Rexnord won the initail suit... but the little asian guy has his pride and helped make the decision to appeal. That was real smart because Rexnord ended up costing the company 3 times more than the original judgement. Needless to say that our great management decided to reduce the quartery bonuses bacause of that. They use to say that the bonuses would "come up" with better performance, that was a lie. I know that share values at some point 5 to 7 years ago was $300 a share. At that same time bonuses for "A" staff were $10,000 and "A" PMs were $14,000. Now in 2006 the share value has tripled but nothing has happened to the bonus level.
    DBA management: STOP LYING ABOUT IT BEING BONUSED BASED, IT IS ONLY DEFERRED SALARY. This is about as bad as as your piss poor per diem of $30 per day.
    DBA management: You should start worrying about posts like this one. You will no longer have the opportunity to sucker someone in and abuse the shit out of them before they find out the truth about YOU!
    GREED will eat you up.

    Food for thought:
    * smart PM + smart employee = profit
    * smart PM + dumb employe = production
    * dumb PM + smart employee = promotion
    * dumb PM + dumb employee = overtime

    There is no reason for you to work several hours in your hotel room!

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  8. Newbie,
    They lie about everything. YOU NEED A LAPTOP TO FUNCTION ON THIS JOB.

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  10. I am a prospecyive employee, does anyone know specifics on Steven Janik (V.P. of government sector)or Bill Leahy (director of H.R.). Janik could not answer some of my questions and directed me to Steve Breault. Is he one of the kissasses I keep hearing about.

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  13. Today I was told that my grammar sucked...sorry! It is just "hard" to watch for my spelling and grammar after a 12 to 14 hour day trying to make a client believe in a savings eval and trying to train people that have more experience at McDonald's. Most chiefs can't spell, so I don't think it will hold me back. What would hold me back, is a lack of ego and greed!
    Maybe someone will offer to proof my stuff before I post. I would ask the little asian guy but his is no better than mine.

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  14. Confused,
    I'll try to give you the scoop on those guys. Janik is a Mike Owens on steroids, but he is overall a good guy. He is driven and will work you to death, but is fair and honest. Steve Breault is ok, he just talks too much, has a fair ego, and is pretty knowledgeable as far as I know. Bill Leahy looks out for himself, he's ok, but never has a clue on what is happening. I know more about his HR role than he does (and I have only been around for .....).
    Did you interview with them? How did they describe the job and the company?

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  15. I don't understand why the little asian guy and the polish guy are so upset about this blog. We are just spreading the "truth"; no lies or deceptions here.
    Let me know if you want to buy out my publishing rights! Ha ha

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  16. Same thinking for the bonus level. They have stayed the same, or gone down over the last few years as the shareholder stock value went up. The shareholders understand inflation for themselves. They don't give a shit about the rest of us.
    Is it true that Leon resigned?

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  17. Seems no one has anything more to say about the lovely life at DBA. I guess you are all happy!

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  18. I read all of this negative stuff about DBA, and I thought I would chime in with some positive. Who knows if anyone reads this anymore anyways. During my two years at DBA, I worked with some of the most intelligent, interesting, and certainly intense people I have ever met. Just for a bit of background, I worked for two years and when I left, I was a D staff (for those who are familiar with the company). I was on eight analysees (sp) or so and about 7 projects. One of my favorite PM's would always tell the green peas who would bitch and whine, life is all about choices, and if you don't like the situation, get a new job. If you take this job, you will learn more in a month than you would in a year managing ten people in some warehouse somewhere. As for the pay, yes, it is low at first, but if you are smart you will move up. I respect and understand all of these posts concerning the negative, as some are true to varying degrees, but I will tell you this...I have been gone for two years now and I still sometimes long for the pressure and the excitement of the job...even analysis. As for the top guys in the company, Lou and Leon seemed helpful in the few interactions I had with them, but I can't speak intelligently about the rest. As for what the earlier person said about Mcneley (AM), he is certainly unique, but I got more out of talking to him for 10 minutes than anyone I deal with in my current job. I understand all of these thoughts are rambling and somwhat poorly transitioned, and if any on here have worked with me at dba, you know I could give two shits about kissing ass. Good luck to all who are new to DBA, and to those who are still there, sometimes you need to vent, that's cool, but get your ass up tommorrow and go get your numbers...

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  19. I am surprised at all of the responses since my last post. To juice-eye, when I said get your numbers, I ultimately meant go out on the floor and implement strategies to help the client save money, rather than go out and "manufacture" the numbers or merely get them for reporting purposes in the internal. As for $2.00 posts concerning my thoughts, first, it's CARNEY, not carnie, as I believe the second spelling is used to refer to carnival workers which I currently am not. If you say that the company is different now, and a D staff would not be around for two years, I believe you. I was on analysis often, and on the beach a bit, which may have played into my rank somewhat, but ultimately, my rank is irrelevant other than to illustrate that I am credible with regards to understanding what all of your concerns are. I left because I'm an idiot and thought I wanted to spend more time with the wife.

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  20. I want my $2.00 & True Staff Report,
    Yes, they are asking a lot of questions. The fun part for myself, is that they really have no clue to my identity. I thought they would have figured out who I was by now when I made comments on shares, but they are clueless (I'm just looking for a reason to leave). I actually think that the little asian guy should come and join the forum!
    I have to say that most of the associates we have will leave DBA better prepared to become "good managers", but only if they apply themselves and learn as much as they can. Some people leave and think they are great because they were able to get some results in an area. Let's all remember who gets the results...it is not the DBA associate, it is the client! We just facilitate and guide. So remember, when you go to interview somewhere else and are asked how you got the results, please do not say "I installed a schedule control." That is the most lame answer you can give.
    Someone mentioned a "Mission Statement"??? What Mission Statement? Do we have one? I thought it was one word, "Greed." Enough said.
    Trus Staff, care to name some of your PMs, or at least the worst one?
    Believe me, a lot of DBA uppers are looking at this blog. I just wish that one would have the balls to come in and join the fun!

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  21. I couldn't pass this up. Today (Monday Oct 16) in the USA Today in the Across the USA section under North Carolina: "A Durham County sheriff's deputy is among five men facing charges after a raid at a bar he owns. Michael Owens faces charges including trafficking cocaine, authorithies said. The other four men were bar employees or regular customers."
    Can anyone else see the irony?

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  22. Phil,
    You mentioned all the great stuff about DBA, why don't you share with us the reason why you left. You stated the following:"I still sometimes long for the pressure and the excitement of the job"... was that before or after working for Dean Lampman? He is an example of a DBA molded machine that management left around way too long to damage dozens of good people. Is that what happened to you Phil?

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  23. My $2,
    They would love to "catch" all of us at the same table. Dean made it to Proodfoot after getting canned at another management "mill" consulting company. We could start a blog just on him. Carney should tell us more about his experiences with Lampman. I could share a few as well but that might shed too much light on who I am.
    The per diem is embarrasing. I know people who make less than us and have small expense accounts. The sad thing is that PMs can't even take their client out to lunch (not dinner) and voucher it.

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  24. Damn... I must admit, $2 and Fletch, this is some compelling reading. You ask the real reason I left, and it is as I said. I needed to spend more time with my family (wife). As for Dean, he lives around the corner from me and is an interesting subject in and of himself. Please $2,explain your comment "...as Dean remembers Carney..." I worked for Lampman only briefly on a couple occasions, and am curious what exactly you mean. Thank You for spelling my name correctly $2, and since leaving DBA, I have lost 20 pounds of ASS as a matter of fact.

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  25. Phil,
    I am so sorry that you actually live close to Dean. If you have a dog, please walk him by his house and let him shit in his yard.

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  27. Thanks Bounty Hunter, I never threw anyone under the bus (intentionally) and I am proud of that at least. I didn't take your comments as derogatory $2, and even if I had, I could care less when the comments are from an anonymous poster (you or anyone else). I think you and Fletch definitely know what your talking about and have some good points, I never meant to imply that life at DBA is all roses, nor do I believe that PM's, Chiefs, or anyone else up top shits gold boullion simply because of a title . If the purpose of this blog is to help people make informed decisions and not to choose DBA, I think $2 is on the right track when he/she alluded to another similar company who may be hiring where the conditions may be better. If anyone knows of such companies, or has had a positive experience somewhere else, please post it so that people can make a choice. Just a thought...And Fletch, if I take the time to drive my ass down to Groveport by Dean's house, I would be the one taking the dump on his lawn, not the dog. Keep the comments coming all...

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  28. I'm not sure, but Bounty Hunter sounds like a "mold" trying to make us say who we are or give clues out.
    I'll give you some feedback on other management consulting companies. There are several and it is true that they will usually offer better base pay and per diem. Just be aware that the grass is not always as green as it seems. DBA does 2 things better than the competition: healthcare and beach pay. Other companies will beach you without pay and notice and have terrible healthcare. If you have enough experience (3 to 5 years), some will probably let you come in on Mondays. These consulting companies mostly operate the same way. The asshole PM you had at DBA could be your next PM at another comapany. The Brooks Group comes to mind as being ok, there are more. Do you shopping and ask a ton of questions.
    I really wish that someone from DBA management would openly join the blog; I know the little asian guy is just dying to. Michael, how do you feel about being referred to being "little."

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  29. You are right..."mole", long day is no excuse. The industry is what it is. In my postings I have talked about the positives as well as the negatives. People who have drive can be successful at DBA, I am an example of that! It is maybe time for me to move on, but I would never go to another management consulting company.
    How long did you survive DBA? And if you are truely gone, why not share your name?

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  30. Everyone calm down... the fight's out there!!
    I'm an avid fan of this blogsite or whatever its called. lets keep the focus on the bashing of DBA and not one another. Who else has a "chief screwing off" story? I got about 20 of them. Who wants one... raise your hand?! Since the decision makers are watching this site, lets give them something to ask questions about - like, oh I don't know - naming a chief (JC) who makes over $150K / year yet who sits in the birdroom playing dungeons and dragons on his laptop. Hey guys, great utilization of labor resources at that level. Really effective! When savings suffers - don't look too much further!!
    How about a chief (BP)who has no approach to a project and upon risking its demise throws the PM and leadstaff under the bus in front of the senior chief to save his own ass. Then leaves the site at 3pm everyday after he puts in his 8 hours of nothing - absolutely nothing!!!

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  32. After reading the last post, I have been thinking about stories to share. Perhaps I will go dig up my old roster (oops, am I supposed to say have that?) and reminisce...Also, this is the thing I love about ANonymous blogs; I could be Phil Carney, or I could be Leon, you just never know. Hey, Fletch, you might even be Mike Owens, we'll never know, and that is what makes it interesting.

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  33. Phil,
    Good point...I could be Michael Owens, that would be funny. I would change a few things if I was Michael. First, I wouldn't buy such a big boat for a small guy and I would also work on improving my accent (I can't understand 5 words in a row).
    It is interesting that you mention the roster. They always wonder how we get them. Let me tell you how; the senior chiefs give them out because they do not want to be disturbed by a staff or PM calling and asking for a number while they are playing computer games (that might affect their productivity!).
    I do not hate Dewolff, Boberg and Associates, I just enjoy telling the truth about them and having a good time.
    John mentioned "BP", I assume Brian "I have no personality" Phillips. Yes, he will save his ass no matter what. He is worthless as a chief. I haven't seen him in a while, is he still a sharp dresser? (ha ha).
    I know some of you looking at the blog might be afraid to tune in. Please do not be shy. Share some of your birdroom stories / nightmares.

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  34. I knew the scoring of the Passport was bullshit but I never envisioned having to "date" the ugliest possible woman to score. I have done some sick things, but that is low. I assume that goes for co-workers as well? (we do not get many good looking women). Who was the PM?

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  35. I can answer the question about the update points. A good PM will tell the client that the update point is teh result of the work of his/her people while working with the staff person. Only a weak insecure PM would try to make themselves look good off of your hard work.
    Strippers and the Christmas party go together!
    Who is teh chief with the coins?

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  36. Z99,
    JC is average in terms of greed. You should bring your wife if it is your first year at the party (why do they call it "party", it is more of a pain to hear the same speeches and lies year after year after year...).
    Little asian guy, how many million do you project in your pocket this year?
    This survey shit really sucks. One more unmeasured untested way of looking for excuses to demote or promote someone. Does Dewolff, Boberg and Associates really think it through?

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  37. Did JC really work at Pizza Hut? Was he the "logistics manager" there? (translation: delivery guy)?

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  38. Speaking of the Christmas party, can I have 10 minutes to speak to the group?? You will find out who I am and I won't care about the consequences.. I'll make it my last day (someone once told me I could do anything I wanted on my last day). I think some of you wouldn't be a bit surprised of who I am, but most of you will fall on your ass (little asian guy won't have far to fall).

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  39. Lets talk about senior chiefs. I know you do not see them often since they are so busy strategizing on how to spend their money, but they are an important part of our lives (ok, that was bullshit). I rather have an absent senior chief than one that continuously tells lies and brings your hopes up of a promotion or increase in ranking. So basically, it stinks in the "fish bowl"!

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  40. $2.00,
    What hints do you think I should be careful about? I always appreciate a warning on a potential problem!
    Unlike some, I have enough bonuses put away that I am not worried about not having a job. That said, you could ask why I stick around! I'm not being bothered by anyone so why leave all this!
    Seriously, I like what I do most of the time. I just don't like the greed. I am more or less left alone most of the time, so I don't stress out. If I had a Dean or a Brian I would go nuts and just leave.
    For all of the new people that are expecting your 2nd $5k bonus, be aware. As the beach grows, you could become "savings". Does anyone need clarification?

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  41. I have a new one. You all know the commercial "lost another one to dietech"? Now it is "lost another one to Closky". I heard he lost another PM. Closky is not a bad guy, he is a pain sometimes, but he has a problem holding on to PMs for some odd reason. Not sure he can explain it either.

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  42. Where will the Christmas "party" be held this year?

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  43. Leon's backyard... gotta keep the share value up :)

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  44. Speaking of the Christmas Party... Multiple Choice: Why are we having the party in January?
    A. Because it is cheaper
    B. Because it is better for our wives / girlfriends / husbands / boyfriends
    C. Because we didn't book early enough and there was nothing available in our price range
    D. Becasue Avis ran a special that weekend to make it cheaper for us to get to the party
    E. All of the above

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  45. I have been reading this blog for several months and have found it very entertaining. I have little advice to offer on how to survive and succeed at DBA, I have no idea how I did it as long as I did, I have however found a book that everyone in the company should take time to read (even Owens)it's called "How to work for an idiot survive and thrive...without killing your boss" written by John Hoover. enjoy

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  46. The correct anwser is A.
    Has anyone noticed BP's new attire?

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  47. Someone mentioned Closky... If you have been part of his entourage for any time, you will relate to... THE TOP 10 REASONS KEVIN CLOSKY SHOULD NOT BE A CHIEF, LET ALONE A SENIOR CHIEF:
    1. He is intimidated by people who are smarter or more educated.

    2. There is the DBA way and then there is the Closky way – associates who are successful with clients and PM’s under different chiefs are penalized for doing things in the DBA way under Kevin.

    3. His turnover rate is double all the other chiefs.

    4. He bullies the clients and thrives on throwing them under the buss rather than establishing a partnership with them.

    5. Kevin fires associates just to show clients “See – I can do it – I’m doing my part, now it’s your turn”.

    6. Kevin feels the need to demonstrate that he is physically and athletically superior to his associates and PM's through “Forced Fun”. Napoleon complex…

    7. He has no regard for HR policies and employee rights, often falsifying right-ups after the associate signs it and then states “associate refused to sign”. This is due to his cowboy / Tony Saprano self-image.

    8. Closky does not build associates up, but continues to degrade, and abuse them verbally and mentally until they quit or he fires them for no reason.

    9. His is a classic case of, "I was never cool, so I am going to bully, belittle, and intimidate everyone I can due to my position".

    10. True leaders inspire and motivate, Kevin Closky will never have the skill set it takes to be a leader, no matter how many Pritchert books he reads on how to become one.

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  48. Old School,
    Wow, you obviously know Closky well. I think your points are on target. No one could argue those, even Closky. I liked the comment on him being a bully and having to demonstate that he is physically superior to his associates. He is also a product of the fish bowl which explains some of his behavior (but not all). Write ups are probably not the only things he falsifies (Staff Reports and bogus base lines for savings come to mind).

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  49. Kevvie Closky is a fat little ginger. Mcmansion, Hummer, little cost cutter haircut. No edge to guy at all! He wouldn't know what to think or say if he didn't have Fox news and Steven Fish telling him what to do. I hear from the other cheifs that he gets boners at the cheifs meetings. This is me... falling down laughing!!!

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  51. Hi guys,
    Anybody been told yet that they will be working Christmas? I have been thinking and I believe that you should have the 10 minutes maybe even 15. I believe I will do the same with the exception that I have pictures to go along with my departure. Yep those of you that know what I am talking about I will be having duplicates made and will present these at the party while all of the wives are present. Oh and for the two that normally does not bring the wives I Will at the same time I am standing to give my speech be pressing send on my cell phone to send a copy to yours. I just wonder if there will be a black mustang at the party again this year.
    Has anyone else noticed many new hires under the 10K rule suddenly disappearing lately? Is this savings?

    PS. To the decision maker, hey we have busted our ass this year and I believe not only that we deserve it but have earned the right of negotiation of a higher per deim for this upcoming year. If not then how about the negotiation of both employee paid short and long term disability insurance instead of each of us having to individualy buy it on our own.

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  53. DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFEE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFEE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DEWOLFFE BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES, DEWOLFF BOBERG AND ASSOCIATES, DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES,DBA, DEWOLFF BOBERG, DEWOLFFE BOBERG, CHIMERA ENTERPRISES.

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  54. Slow Slow Slow week. What pictures are you referring to?

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  55. Hi all, I just heard about this site. Awesome! As a former employee I have been laughing my head off reading all of your comments. I look forward to sharing some stories with you soon!

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  56. Anyone heard about security being needed at the party? How did rankings go? Was any savings available? It has been quiet maybe the pictures scared people?
    The pics are from the women met at the bar and the competitions in order for rankings.

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  57. DBA calls it savings when someone leaves behind $5,000. I have heard the 'uppers' (little asian guy being one) that they would rather keep people 6 to 18 months than longer. It becomes too expensive to keep A, B, and C staff around too long. Not only $$$ but because they wise up!
    $40 per diem is reasonable, maybe it will be our present this year.

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  58. Let me know if I am getting my 10 minutes, I want to be prepared...

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  59. Sure you can have your 10 minutes but it must be with in the 1st half of the meeting. (Not the closed door meeting). If you will do it then I will also. Lets not fail to bring up the matter that when asked questions of how things are going, how long do you really work on analysis and the questionnaires that were passed out that most of us were instructed of how we were to answer these questions prior to being asked. That kind of pissed me off. How can one get the real statistics if you are told to answer in a certain manner?

    Just a few more hours to the big event. I will see you all.

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  60. dba...........What can I tell you????Listen up. If I were a client that hired DBA The first thing I would do is Monitor the Internet in the "birdroom". The PM's and Cheifs waste more time on the internet then producing results for the client. As far as those analysis go......McNealy is a homo. I should have filed a sexual harassment suit against him. How many other "bosses" come to your hotel room at 11:00pm to discuss your multi colored report of green/blue/magenta/yellow and red!!!

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  61. "Another one lost to Closky"

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  62. In September of 2006, I got a message from Steve Fish. "...if you send that blog link to anyone else, I will kill you." I had sent it to one person. Another PM. But the message was loud and clear: Management was watching.
    Now, I must say that at least 70% of the posts whining about per diem and so on are worthless. I suppose that those people expected to show up and be handed bags of money. You gotta work for your living, especially at DBA. There's no question about that. I (along with many others) put in the long hours in truly lousy conditions to learn the process. We constantly fought managers who were resolute in their fight against change. You know that feeling when you go into the supervisor's office and it's time for the DSC tour, but you know that they're going to give some half ass excuse for why it is totally unnecessary. But by the end of the project, you “catch” them checking on hourly production? I love that. Teaching people to manage with data, that’s the thing. When Phil Carney talks about “go get your numbers,” I relate. He’s dead on with acknowledging the fast pace of change that a DBA project.
    It’s true that I left DBA for another consulting company. Perhaps in future posts, I’ll discuss why.

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  63. I agree with your statement. I know that managing by the numbers is the right thing to do for the client and I really get satisfaction when a group of supervisors and managers use the tools we teach them. That said, DBA takes advantage of their staff. We all know it and we all put up with it because we get a feeling of accomplishment, and no amount of per diem can replace that.
    The fact that they are so paranoid about this blog is worth the small per diem as well...just love it.
    What is sad is that you tolerated Fish saying "I will kill you." Are you treated that way at your current company?

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  65. Fletch - of course I "tolerated" his comment... because I wanted to leave the company at the time of my choosing. And to your question of my new employers - they treat me like a professional. It's amazing, really, when I reflect on my time at DBA, to remember what people put up with. DBA talks about "Stockholm Syndrome" as it relates to the client. Truth is, after being in the company the Associates begin to think/behave like hostages. I know that I would tell the latest Closky story to friends at home (ATK Radford, anyone?) and they would stare back with this blank look and continue to ask why anyone would put up with it. I completely agree with John Tesnovich when he talks about using the DBA experience to improve your skills and resume. That is exactly what I did. Honestly, there is no way I could have secured my current position/salary before DBA. So I am glad I worked for the company. I truly believe that there are good people doing good things at DBA – and that includes management. I learned a ton. But, after working for Closky for a couple of years, I had to make a move. I sought advice from an ex-PM who I worked with and respected about how to get out. He told me to get my Lean / Six Sigma Black Belt and helped me to improve my resume. After I got my certification, I had no problem choosing from several employers.

    And, actually while I’m referencing other posts, Old School DBA’er nails the Closky experience. Especially the “Leadership” question. I’ve yet to read a book on leadership that endorses any of the tactics I personally witness/experienced from him. Note to any PM working for Redman: make certain you fire someone. Don’t worry; it doesn’t have to be justified. On my last project, he told me I had messed up because I hadn’t turned anyone over. I asked him who he thinks I should’ve fired and he told me that I should’ve popped a staff that Closky claimed he had seen eating a sandwich in a supervisor’s office. Seriously. I was left speechless. The project was over 200% saved and the clients were installed (they still email me the Savings Eval and Op Rpt and continuous improvement has been sustained). But my performance was being judged on my failure to fire a person eating a fictional sandwich (it bears noting that the staff in question had contacted Fish with some issues he was having that pointed to Closky’s management – coincidence?) . So when Brian Fletch says, “I heard he lost another PM. Closky is not a bad guy, he is a pain sometimes” that just tells me you’ve probably never worked for him.

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  66. i have 2 questions for the group.

    1. if you had a family member who was a plant manager for a manufacutring plant would you recommend db&a to them? Why or why not?

    2. if you had a family member who was thinking of a career change, would you recommend db&a to them? Why or why not?
    Management should pay attention to the answers.

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  67. Max Power,

    1. if you had a family member who was a plant manager for a manufacutring plant would you recommend db&a to them? Why or why not?
    Wow, are you serious? That is a loaded question. Depends on how big the plant is, are they looking for a quick improvement to sell off later? Are they really looking for long term improvements? Go through the analysis for the 1st week at least to see if he clicks with the chief, pm, and staff. Ask for resumes, insist that all staff have at least 6 months experience with DBA, and that all green peas are not billed (you shouldn't have to pay for DBA training). There are also other companies that offer a less agressive approach. To me, the most important thing is the relationship between PM / Staff and clients, so watch out for that.

    2. if you had a family member who was thinking of a career change, would you recommend db&a to them? Why or why not?
    Management should pay attention to the answers.
    Overall YES. Someone wrote earlier: "come in and get trained, sharpen your skills, learn, and leave"... as long as you can afford to live on $40k and take the abuse. I love giving out all the negatives on DBA, but I admit, I have learned and have enjoyed some of my projects. The upside and downside is that you will work for some good people, but the assholes will really stand out.

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  68. Clayton,
    I have worked with Closky before, you should know that. I'll call you tomorrow.

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  69. This year is the 20th anniversary of the "DBA per diem" and it hasn't aged a bit. It was $30 then and it looks like 30 today!
    What did the per diem get you 20 years ago? Back then you could have 40 shirts dry-cleaned; today, maybe 15. Back then, breakfast, lunch, and dinner; today, maybe lunch and McDonalds for dinner.
    What will it look like 20 years from now? Probably the same if we keep up the healthy asian diet we have.
    Happy birthday!

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  70. On the subject of the "chefs". By the way, the chiefs will now be known as the chefs. Oohhhhh, I'm sorry---or is it the account executives!! Fucking Pikers!!
    All the chefs.... and I mean all the chefs hate one another. When they get together for the monthy circle jerk--they love to watch one another fail and get stomped on!! I know this for a fact. Need your own source--- just get one of these low rent assholes drunk and watch how they run at the mouth about all that company business that they aren't supposed to tell us staff level suckers. Since they have no friends - the staff is the closest they have to any real companionship besides their fat lazy whorish wives who get drunk at the January asshole convention and try to lure young staff away into a game of grabass with their Walgreens mascara and gurdled cottage cheese laden frame. By 11pm, its looks like someone has thrown an ugly grenade into that little get-together. Its like if Ronald Mcdonald and Sally Struthers had a kid and then that child was cloned! I have to go before I get mean.

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  72. Chippy, I agree with your comments on the learning experience you receive from working for DBA and I think the rest of you that have been around for a while understand that. I look at the experience as an opportunity to see how businesses run and better myself through trying things on another company’s dime. Also if you plan are to stay in this field you will need to get the experience if you want to move to a company that will compensate you for your efforts and DBA is one of those avenues that allows you this chance. Most consulting firms that pay decent money will not consider you with out experience and DBA provides you that avenue.
    A lot of talk has been around Closky and his poor management style and I will agree with the comments that have been made. I feel it would be in the best interest of the company to not have him involved with the management of the employees because he has no clue how to perform this task. You do have to give this guy credit for the amount of work that his does bring to the organization compared to the rest of the chiefs. This is why he is still around! His cut you down and threaten your job on a continual basis would not be tolerated in most organizations and could eventually lead to a more drastic consequence, given the right person. My advice to the staff is to challenge him every time he tries to tell you something is wrong with your area because he tends to make false accusations to see your reaction.
    To answer the previous questions posted the first on would you hire DBA to perform a project at your plant. This questions needs to be look at by the complexity of the work needed to be performed. DBA can handle the easier jobs that involve manufacturing because they focus on constant interaction with the front line management to change behavior. For the rest of the areas that require some ability to think, you are better off paying a little more money to get the experienced consultants to help. A client that I dealt with after my departure from DBA put it best by saying DBA will provide a company with one or two people that know what they are doing and a bunch of staff that have no clue.
    My response to the second question is if you have a strong work ethic and look at your time with DBA as only a learning experience instead of a career choice then yes it is a good opportunity. The pay is not great and the hours are very long, but the knowledge is priceless. Do not plan on making it big with the company unless you have a lot of time to give.

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  73. Chippy, I agree with your comments on the learning experience you receive from working for DBA and I think the rest of you that have been around for a while understand that. I look at the experience as an opportunity to see how businesses run and better myself through trying things on another company’s dime. Also if you plan are to stay in this field you will need to get the experience if you want to move to a company that will compensate you for your efforts and DBA is one of those avenues that allows you this chance. Most consulting firms that pay decent money will not consider you with out experience and DBA provides you that avenue.
    A lot of talk has been around Closky and his poor management style and I will agree with the comments that have been made. I feel it would be in the best interest of the company to not have him involved with the management of the employees because he has no clue how to perform this task. You do have to give this guy credit for the amount of work that his does bring to the organization compared to the rest of the chiefs. This is why he is still around! His cut you down and threaten your job on a continual basis would not be tolerated in most organizations and could eventually lead to a more drastic consequence, given the right person. My advice to the staff is to challenge him every time he tries to tell you something is wrong with your area because he tends to make false accusations to see your reaction.
    To answer the previous questions posted the first on would you hire DBA to perform a project at your plant. This questions needs to be look at by the complexity of the work needed to be performed. DBA can handle the easier jobs that involve manufacturing because they focus on constant interaction with the front line management to change behavior. For the rest of the areas that require some ability to think, you are better off paying a little more money to get the experienced consultants to help. A client that I dealt with after my departure from DBA put it best by saying DBA will provide a company with one or two people that know what they are doing and a bunch of staff that have no clue.
    My response to the second question is if you have a strong work ethic and look at your time with DBA as only a learning experience instead of a career choice then yes it is a good opportunity. The pay is not great and the hours are very long, but the knowledge is priceless. Do not plan on making it big with the company unless you have a lot of time to give.

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  76. Tesnovich -
    Your description of the Christmas party is hilarious. I've been to 5 of them, and that pretty well sums them up. Perhaps my favorite memory was 2004 (I think) and I was in my hotel room that overlooked the courtyard. I heard some commotion at around 3:30 am and went to the balcony to see a certain (now ex) PM with his pants down around his ankles waving his genitals screaming, "Fuck you DBA!" Ahhh, good times.

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  77. My personal experience with DBA has been a great learning in all facets of my life. It has been a stepping stone in my career and for that I am thankful. I really wish I had left DBA because of the "travel".

    I had heard quite a few stories in the time I've been with the company, but I needed to see to believe it. Boy did I not only see it, but felt the pain. I guess as time goes on.. I'll share my story... but it's good to know this blog has arrived!

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  78. I have been offered an interview with DBA. Should I even show up?

    I understand that there is a lot of turnover. I work in an industry now that has a lot of turnover.

    For those of you who are still with DBA. . why do you stay?

    So here is what Chimera is currently selling. . .

    "The compensation package is a combination of base salary and bonuses
    1st year package averages $50 to $52k plus per diem
    2nd year package averages $55k to $62k plus per diem
    3rd year package averages $65k to $72k plus per diem
    Promotion to Project Manager takes an average of 3-1/2 years, with income in the $80k - $95k range
    Promotion to Chief of Operations averages an additional 2-1/2 years, with an annual income of $150k +
    Benefits including an outstanding health care package, 401k program, paid vacations and holidays are also provided."

    Is any of this accurate?

    What is the daily allowance for lodging? Is the per diem really $30?

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  79. Also. . Can I go home every Friday? I live near a major airport. What is this about "prior aproval" and "lowest advertised price".

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  80. Brghteyd,
    Regarding your questions. Since you have found your way here, we can assume that you've read the previous 100+ posts. They should give you a fairly good idea of the pros and cons to taking a job with DBA. While so I believe that some of them are a bit on the bitchy side, I can't really disagree with the accuracy.
    You pose several very detailed questions in your post. I think that if you read the previous posts, most will be answered. But I will focus on three of your questions. The ones I believe are critical, but have not been addressed previously. Question #1 "Should I even show up?" I say yes. When I interviewed with James LaRue (remember him? I think he might show up once or twice if you Google "DeWolff, Boberg and Associates"), I got offered a cup of coffee and it was delicious. Question #2 "Benefits including ... paid vacations and holidays are also provided." This is true, as long as none of the vacations or holidays fall on days that the plant is open.
    Question #3 "So here is what Chimera is currently selling. . . 1st year this much $, 2nd year, bla bla bla (paraphrasing)" Chimera calls those years/incomes averages. Average would indicate that some would be above and some below. So, can they give you the number of people who have done it in less time vs. more? They will probably cite Peter Schultz and Doug Caraway. To my knowledge, they are the only PM’s who have made in significantly less time than Chimera stated as the “average”. And neither has made it to chef yet. To the question of making it to chef in 6 years, again, ask for names. Fact is, 97% of the people who start at DBA in 2007 will not be there by 2008. I see you mention that you are in an industry with a lot of turnover, so I assume that means that it doesn't concern you. Rest assured that if the PM hears from the chef that you've been eating a sandwich in the supervisor's office, and that PM decides he will do anything to save his own job, you'll be another DBA statistic.

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  81. I'm just sitting here and reflecting on my time at DBA and I thought of some other chief stories. And since when they happened I didn’t want to confront the chief they call “Chief Walkumout,” and lose my job (I had seen first hand what happened to people who questioned Closky – even professionally and respectfully). But now the truth can be told.
    The year was 2006 and we were developing the base for a project. After I plugged in the numbers from accounting, Closky reviewed it and told me that I was dyslexic and fucked up the numbers (although I had linked them to the financial Excel spreadsheets and so couldn’t have inverted any numbers as he claimed). He then “fixed” the base and told me to take it to finance to have them review it. Amazingly, when they did, they found there were errors in the 6 weeks of data from before we arrived. When I went back and reentered those weeks, it showed that they had significant improvements over the previous year before we even walked in the door. I shared this with Closky who told me explicitly and painfully, "Don't fuck with the base." He promptly typed in some new numbers and sent me back to face accounting. Low and behold, they spotted the difference immediately. This back and forth happened several times until they must have thought that we were completely insane. I can only assume that KC either hoped they’d stop asking why those six weeks kept reverting back to the numbers that they could not find in their system anywhere, or he planned on stalling them long enough and they’d give up asking. They never did.
    At the beginning of my last project, the supervisors were not entering their standard hours in SAP regularly. Therefore, we would incur all the labor hours, but get no standard hours. This resulted in Productivity showing in the teens and negative savings. I told Closky that this was a concern and I was having my team make damn sure every supervisor put in their standard hours at the end of their shift. He told me to NOT do that, but focus on the DSC and Paretos and the savings would come. I told him that the savings were there, but if no standard hours were put in, it would never show. He explicitly told me not to do that. I, of course, told my people to do it anyway. And for the next 2 weeks, my staff did an excellent job of doing just that. We cashed in thousands of hours that had been earned, but not put in SAP. Our productivity on the 3 part graphs shot up and then continued to climb as the supervisors adopted the correct behavior and the MOS was being installed. Here’s the kicker – near the end of the project, Closky was bragging in the hotel lobby to a staff about how the project was fucked up and how he came in and “saved” it by kicking my ass. He boasted that supervisors weren’t putting their numbers in and I didn’t care, but he beat me up until I became enlightened enough to stress it. Kevin, if you are reading this, you and I both know that that is THE EXACT OPPOSITE of what really happened. Other people heard you instruct me not to focus on entering standard hours. But, of course, you never let facts get in the way of a good ass beating.

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  83. brghteyd and simp dog... Despite all you've read... I wouldn't miss the opportunity to interview... and in the event you decide to join DBA.. make sure you get all your facts being told in writing. I got screwed because I either misunderstood the facts.. or my Chief went back on his promise when I went on vacation and didn't get reimbursed on things I should have or was told I would have.

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  84. Chippy and Redman... I went through the same thing... except I wasn't far up on the foodchain... but definitely knew when the numbers for the base were wrong... and I was being measured against them. I found bugs in the reporting on my last project where people were being listed in my area during the base and generating large STD hours while after we got there they had moved to their correct cost center. I was told to leave the base alone and go out and get savings! Product mix and the way the STD hours were being calculated contributed to a high base. I brought this up as well... and told my Chief that the only way I could show improvements was to pull work forward and continue with the same product mix... wait... I didn't tell my Chief... I told my PM... cuz my Chief was too busy beating me up for the lack of detail on my daily plan... Good times...

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  85. simp dogg; if your going to ask some pointed questions, you can ask if you need a laptop computer and cell phone on your projectt. My pm calls me on my cell phone alot and uses minutes that I pay for. I asked for the company policy on expensing some of my cell bill and he showed me a policy that said I can voucher calling a message service or calling home for business messages. ? I guess I should get a message service and voucher it.
    You shoudl also ask why we give the client spreadsheets to put all their information in and they're supposed to link to some other report, but all the links break like every week, so we have to redo them all the time at the hotel late at night. I told the guy that interviewed me that I did not have any excel knowlege, really and he told me I didn't need computer knowledge. But now my Pm has me staying up all night tryi8ng to fix all his shit. when I was working on my managers computer trying to fix a problem, my lead staff saw me and yelled at me that I should be on the floor. My manager heard and told me he thought he was an asshole.

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  86. I haven't been here for a while but I see things are picking up. I will not bore anyone with the KC base numbers stories I have, since they pretty much reflect the ones already posted. I'm sure KC is crying "conspiracy", but he had to know that this type of shit would come up sooner or later. He obviously wanted later…maybe when he would turn Senior Chef. Let’s all keep in mind that his behavior is learned from the other corrupt people he has worked for. It is like a bunch of fish in the same bowl for a while, they all start stinking. I hope you all see the humor in that sentence!

    Max Power… your PM is a piece of shit for not letting you expense phone calls. May I suggest that you conveniently forget your phone at home next week? Ask him where it says in the “joke of a handbook” you have to have a phone when he gives you shit about not having one. Remind the asshole that the book was written when cells phones were barely seen.

    There is a lot of talk about KC, but remember that there are others like him in the bunch. Someone made a comment on how Chefs love to see other Chefs get their ass chewed out at the meeting, it is so true! I don’t hear that much about the newer Chefs on here, maybe it is because they are more human and have less greed then the other bunch.

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  87. Fletch you do have a point about the other chiefs... However, I have no knowledge on other chiefs. I see there is a lot of literature out there on KC... hopefully someone will come forward with factual stories on the others that have been "naughty".

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  90. This was on Careerbuilder.com today... hey, at least they train.

    "as one of the fastest growing consulting practices in North America, International Profit Associates has selected opportunities for individuals with demonstrated abilities and proven performance with respect to improvement of profits, enhancement of productivity, maximization of efficiencies, behavior modification and organizational development. If you have extensive general management experience, including P & L responsibility, and are able to diagnose, evaluate, and implement business solutions for value enhancement results, this may be the opportunity for you.





    First year earnings range from $65,000 to $85,000 with second year potential in excess of six figures as you progress into Project Management. Keep in mind, your travel expenses are covered.


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  92. Chippy's Friend,
    If you know the ex-PM of whom I speak, then we both know that he is way above such prosaic feelings of "embarrassment" (and I mean that in the most respectful and envious way). I’ve even had calls from some who proffer the theory that I am the ex-PM in question. For the record, I have had many memorable times at the Christmas parties that I attended (well, memorable for someone, I’m sure - just not me). But this particular incident I was a witness to, not a participant.
    Side note: Has anyone else noticed that the man who started this whole thing, Aschapped, hasn't made an appearance in a long time? Does he even check this anymore? Does he know the firestorm he started? Can he imagine how 90% of the company checks this blog daily (with either glee or dread) to see what the kids have been saying in public now? I wonder...

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  94. YES I STOP IN FROM TIME TO TIME. AS I READ ALL OF THIS OVER AGAIN I CAN ONLY SIT BACK AND WONDER WHY WE DO NOT DO THIS FOR OURSELVES. I KNOW OTHERS HAVE TRIED. WE COULD COMPETE AND I KNOW WE COULD BE BETTER WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE. DBA IS NOT THE SAME COMPANY THAT IT USED TO BE 5+ YEARS AGO. I OFTEN WONDER OF HOW MUCH LOU KNOWS ABOUT THE COMPANY AND THE TRUTH OF WHAT IS GOING ON. I GOT A KICK OF THE QUESTIONAIRES THAT WERE PASSED OUT SEVERAL MONTHS AGO WHEN MOST OF US WERE INSTRUCTED BY THE CHIEF OR THE PM'S ABOUT THE PROPER ANSWERS THAT WE WERE TO PUT DOWN.
    AS FOR CHIEF WALKUM-OUT THE NEXT TIME I RUN IN TO HIM I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WILL BREAK HIS NOSE FOR THE GROUP. HE THROWS HIS WEIGHT AROUND AND BELIEVES EVERYONE IS SCARED OF HIM AS HE HOLDS THE CAREER PATH IN HIS HAND AND HE IS A FAIRLY LARGE GUY. OR AT LEAST A FAT BASTARD. BUT I AM NOT SCARED AFTERALL I HAVE DONE SOME BOXING IN THE PAST.

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  95. I SHOULD ALSO ADD TO THE LIST FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW THE NEW SAYING WHEN YOU’RE CHIEF ASKS WHERE SOMETHING IS, MANY OF US ARE RESPONDING BY STATING "IF IT WAS UP YOUR ASS YOU WOULD KNOW WHERE IT WAS AT NOW WOULDN'T YOU"
    WE SHOULD ALL BEGIN ANSWERING IN THIS WAY ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE JUST ASKING FOR BUSY WORK OR REWORK. WE ARE TAKING OVER!!! DBA CAN NOT OPERATE WITHOUT US WE ARE DBA!!! LETS TAKE OUR COMPANY BACK AND OUT OF THE HANDS OF THE THIEVING CONTROL BASTARDS.

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  97. What is this I hear that Mr. Slim Douglas is about to get a job shut down in Minnesota? Will he still be protected under the wings of Coley after this? I wonder if he has any clients at this project or if it is the same as the rest of his projects? I can remember his first project and he was almost fired but finally got taken in by Coley but only after he had NO clients. He was good at going to pick up people and supplies etc. Sorry Tim I had to bust your chops as you really are a piece of work and yes I will take care of your clients once again. How bout a game of tennis?

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  99. It amazes me how paranoid DBA is about this blog. If you took half the time spent reading the blog and applied it to managing your people the “right” way (not to be confused with the “DBA old school” way) you wouldn’t have to worry about the validity of what is in my PIP and Passport. It takes more than “ethics” training to clean that mess.
    You guys want the blog to go away? Than start treating your people, your only asset, the right way. I will personally stay away from here the minute the per diem goes to $40 per day and cab goes to $40 per week… oh, and Brian will have to buy new shirts.

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  103. ROTTERSALL,
    Sid ain't talking to you, sucka!!

    Hey, by the way, nice ALL CAPS formatting! Was "the ginger" standing over you as you wrote that lil' peice? Did you write your staff report after that?
    I'll be back with more later. I can't decide where to start right now! But, thanks for inspiring me. Stay tuned!
    PS: Rottersall, go out to my car and get me my pumpkin bread!

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  104. John,
    So who is this joker? Call me this weekend.

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  106. Top Ten Responses to Rottersall:
    1. Your mother put me up to it!
    2. How much fucking kool-aid® did you drink?
    3. We were about to stop, but now… it’s on! Thanks!
    4. I still make more money than you… so SHUT THE FUCK UP - hahahahahahahahaah!
    5. I bet when the PA walks in the room, you pee just a little bit.
    6. Since you mentioned old ladies, how’s your wife doing? Tell her I said, “Hey ;-).”
    7. I admire you so much. Who saw “Fletch”? Come on!!
    8. When can I get a signed copy of your new book, “Whatever Fox News tells me, Dockers, Mediocrity and me-a memoir of a man who …. Who gives a fuck?!”
    9. Hey – did I mention that thing about your mom putting me up to it?
    10. I heard you DBA monkeys weren’t supposed to engage in this. So much for following orders with military discipline. There’s hope for you yet!

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  107. Rotter,
    Please do not confuse blackmailing the company with the company fucking you over a 20 year old per diem. Blackmailing would be more like sending a nice letter to all current and past clients with the link to the blog. So shut up! Follow the rules, and go back into the hole you came from and stop tempting me.

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  110. By show of hands, how many will still be around after those retention/bonus checks are cashed?

    Oh, and rotten/bitches please don't insult our intelligence by trying to pretend you have no stake in DBA. More to the point, if you have no stake and you took the time to go onto a website about a company you have nothing to do with, that's truly pathetic.

    Please excuse the people who have posted an opinion here anonymously just as you have for feeling that they should be allowed to express their opinion without being fired for it.

    And bitch, please don't express anymore of your fantasies on here. We aren't all into taking a high hard one from a "whorish wife" the way you seem to know so much about. This is a family blog.

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  111. Rottersall,
    Out of curiousity, were you abused by your chef for so long that you started to sound like him? Do you need some sensitivity training?

    Bitch up,
    I have my reasons for speaking out, and yes, I have voiced them before in an open forum, with no result. Read my past comments on my job satisfaction to answer your questions.

    I am happy to see that die hard believers can no longer sit back and read the blog. I'll be away for a while, hope you don't miss me.

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  112. Hey – by the way – make a fucking point next time you log on! And yes, I was abused and I am a coward-do everyone a favor, quit quoting people. You sound like a douche! Peace – I’m out here!
    PS: No one is logging on to hear you preach bullshit – they just wanna see who’s going to get offended next. Well, keep tuning in. This is too much fun!

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  113. WHO YOU TALKING TO THERE SWEETHEART?

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  114. Does anyone belive that whinning in this forum will cahnge anything. Yes you have to work hard at DBA yes you have to ask for help to improve and to grow, if after a month or so you can not produce a staff report within a 1/2 hour or so you need to ask for help. Analysis 1 week big deal do it do it well and go on. If you wish to join DBA ask questions of the Senior Chief who interviews you. No DBA is not perfect, no not everyone in DBA is perfect I am happy for those that have found a perfect organization. To change something work through your PM, Chief, AEO, Mike and/or Leon. Bitching here will do nothing for you

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  115. Those that wish to join DBA come with an open mind, a willingness to learn and a commitment to the company and client and you can have a rewarding career. The DBA process affects true change and savings for the client organization, the process works, but you have to be willing to learn and understand it.

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  116. You know, huey, that all sounds great and maybe that is what it si like on your project but i'm just tired of my lead staff condescending to me, tired of my pm playing video games (or on his cell phone talking to others about this blog) in the war room while giving me contridicting expectations making me work untill 1am just to tell me he really wanted something different and I did not understand him.

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  117. I like it when you call me sweetheart.
    I like it when you hold me.
    I like you, rottersall.

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  119. Go tell your mommy maybe she will give you a crying towel. Grow up.

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  120. Hey Tarzan – it’s called a tissue, you fucking ape!
    By the way – that was a quick response. This is how you spend your mornings... playing on the internet?
    Here’s a question: Where are the savings? They sure aren’t on this blog! Perhaps you should attempt to go find out where your supervisor is and see if he’s done a schedule check recently. The savings are on the floor, so why don’t you walk your ass out there and go get some so you have something to reporting in the internal.

    However, if you are a chief, then the internet is exactly where you should be--- I commend you on your commitment to the stereotype! Now, be a good lil’ boy and go fix your baselines!

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  121. Try facts not prevarication. Threats on a blog? Unique, silly but unique. Does profanity make you feel like a man?

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  122. WHAT KIND OF CRYING GAME YOU TALKING ABOUT THERE TESTICkLE?

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  124. DBA does specifically set staffing levels for a job. dont be stupid. So you are specialist in staffing when can we come to work for your successful firm oh yea if you could do what you complain about you would be a multi millionair. Oh poor baby did somebody treat you badly did you not get just what you wanted oh my. Now curse and show us all just how silly you really are. Oh by the way just because someone else does it does not mean you must. Oh I get it you are just a simple victim. Any one who would be swayed by this dribble is a fool.

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  125. Through all of the arguing and bad words and, most importantly, debate on the acceptable use of "crying towel", I decided that I'd let the great and powerful internet - truly the Solomon of our day - make the call. Is it just a tissue, or is it something more. So I went to Dictionary.com.

    "crying towel: A figurative towel for wiping the tears of a self-pitying individual. For example, ‘So you didn't make the first team? Get out the crying towel.’ This expression is always used sarcastically. [Slang; 1920s]"
    So it looks like JT got it wrong on this one. Hueyman has clearly won the moral high ground when it comes to throwing barbs from a bygone era. He’s the cat’s pajamas and JT’s all wet. So I then imagined Hueyman composing his blog sitting in the rumble seat of his jalopy, wearing a raccoon coat while strumming his ukulele.

    If you want to know more about the slang or anything else about the 1920’s, follow this link: http://local.aaca.org/bntc/slang/slang.htm
    And that’s ‘one to grow on’

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  126. Ha ha haahahahhaahhahaaa, hheeheheheheheheehheeheeeheeheehhheeheeh..... ah aha ha hahhahahaahahaahaah ,, hooohohohohhoh ahahah hahah (oh no - I'm peeing all over myself - ahahahhahahahahaha.

    Oh - that is good stuff!

    cats meow! Come on - you have got to admit, that is funny.

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  127. I have been reading this blog off and on since someone told me about it at the annual meeting and I must say, I think it is entertaining and it has given me some good laffs. I have not posted anything before because of all the questions recently about who is writing. But now I have decided to move on from DB&A, so if they find out who I am, it’s not such a big deal. I have been with Dewolff for a few years and worked for different PMs and Chiefs and I do not think they are all bad. If you read other people’s blogposts, they do say positive things --- and not just the posts from DB&A managers that are writing to defend the company. ALTHOUGH, AFTER ALL THIS TIME WITH THE COMPANY I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MANAGEMENT LOVES ALL CAPS.
    I have had some moments during my projects that are as good as or better than anything you would see on a reality show. After I put in my notice, I will come back and tell some funny stories.
    I don’t want to say much more right now as I have already given some clues as to who I am and I would rather not end up on “The List”. I do think that the company is working to fix some things internally like training and the analysis nightmare. However, to everyone who keeps talking about the per diem = my money is on that figure never moving above $30 – especially now that if Leon did up the per diem, it would look like he did it because of all the complaining on this blog about it. And besides, with all the new hires coming in for the $30, they do not need to raise it.

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  128. Louise, Hueyman and Rottersall---OK – tell me how you set staffing levels at DBA. I could swear they are determined by the margins, not the clients needs. Show me on the operating report how that plan is developed based on the clients needs. Share with the group your story of how you manage your resources effectively. Because I can tell you that I have been told that I will just have to work 2 shifts covering 3 different departments, but never given the resource plan showing me how that gets accomplished. Can you show me the resource plan that also shows that as my fellow staff is leaving (103% turnover) that those planned rates are also managed?
    So now, call me a crybaby. I'm the guy who gets you your fucking bonus!!

    The only folks crying here are the ones who can’t answer questions soldier-boy!.
    Hey – Louise, how angry are you anyway - -whats the matter, legs starting to hurt again? So angry that you can’t form a complete sentence? Why don’t you answer his questions? I am really interested in how this little group of so-called loyalists plans on actually addressing these concerns. When we staff get some answers, perhaps we might be more inclined to support management. Don’t give me that – “leave if you don’t like it” shit. Answer the questions or admit that John is right. Because, from what I’ve seen, he hasn’t told me anything that I already didn’t know. He’s just putting it out there for everyone to see. Doesn’t sound like a victim to me.
    I and some of my fellow staff agree that we would like some answers. Even if the answers are ones we don’t like – start answering questions. You call yourself a leader, start leading!

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  130. Huey,
    If this is such a non-sensical blog, what are you doing here? Why are all the chefs checking this blog out on a daily basis?
    This was fun, I could even let my kids read it once in a while; but no longer can I subject them to the amount of stupidity want-to-be chefs are posting on this very FUN blog. Do you know why it is fun? Because it makes people like YOU come out of the closet and show what ass kissers you really are. Which ass do you like to kiss the most? The little asian guy, the bi-sexual one(s), the multitude of perverts, or the ones that screw their female staff while they move them up the ranks (we have a few of those that do the passport based on bedroom activities, not client related)?
    Leave us alone, let us have our fun, let us watch you debate over who is who, let us continue to make fun of you, and, last but not least, up the per diem.
    Brian Fletch

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  132. This is my perception of the Hueyman / John T. debate.
    Hueyman:
    "Try facts not prevarication."

    John T.:
    "I noticed that we keep addressing your “facts”, but you don’t address ours. Address what I laid out there and let’s get into a debate about the facts."

    Hueyman:
    "Grow Up"

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  134. Let me translate that for those of you who do not speak gibberish. Hueyman is trying to tell us that he agrees with all the points of contention that are posted. Please excuse him. Since he doesn’t have anything else to say, and he is boring me with his criticism, I’m going to ignore him until he (or she) actually communicates effectively.

    Addressing Hueyman, personally, one on one, since my words may be hurting your brain, let me translate for you, Gomer.

    You no say nothing I like.
    I no wanna talk to you no more, Ugh.

    Its Thursday… go get your package together and this time, don’t forget the cash-flow graph!

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  135. H-man: I am concerned for you. Judging from the content of your posting, I am afraid that the furnace wherever you are has malfunctioned and is spewing deadly mind altering carbon monoxide. So, wherever you are, please open a window and then call a HVAC specialist.

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  137. Asschapped,
    Since you created the blog, can you block this idiot (huey prick)?

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  138. What a fucking drama queen.
    In my best Charleton Heston voice: "You will choke on your own bile."

    Oh my god - this fuck is boring me. Yes please, due to his complete inability to complete a logical thought coupled with his lousy sentence structure, please get him off of here before I shit myself.

    I request that someone comes to Pyle's defense and speak up on the actual points of contention. Is there one person at DBA who can argue against these points? Please, somebody, anybody, please!

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  140. Louise,
    "uninformed" is one thing I am not. I don't understand why you ass kissers have to hide behind a screen name. If I give you an e-mail address, will you have the balls to give me your phone number so that we can have a nice chat? Do you have the COURAGE? If not, move on, let us continue our little fun.

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  141. Post it here big boy

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  142. Huey, or should we call you Doug? E-mail personally at ilovedba@hotmail.com.

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  143. You are not only uninformed but also clueless. NEXT!

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  145. And this, folks, is why you should not drink and blog.
    Although, this is his blog. So I suppose he can post whatever whenever.
    Ass - I doubt you actually know the true identities of our good friends, Louise, Hueyman and ROTTERSALL. They are far too smart to be found out by the likes of anyone here, even the blog administrator.

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  146. HEY FIBBER,
    ARE YOU SO FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD THAT YOU ACTUALY BELIEVE THAT MANY OF US HERE ON THE BLOG DON'T TALK TO ONE ANOTHER. IF I DON'T KNOW THEN WHAT PROOF DO YOU WANT? DO YOU WANTT ONE OF THEM FIRED TO PROVE THE POINT? ALL I NEED IS A COUPLE OF WEEKS TO GATHER ENOUGGH OF A PAPER TRAIL TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. JUST GIVE ME THE WORD. ALSO ARE YOU STUPID ENOUGH TO NOT THINK THAT I HAVE THE BOX CHECKED TO LIST EACH IP ADDY AND DOMAIN LOGGED? YOU STUPID FUCK. OH BY THE WAY SHOULDN'T YOU BE OUT DOING NOTHING AS USUAL WITH THE EXCEPTION OF LYING TO YOUR TOP CLIENT SHOWING HIM HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS YOU CAN SHOW HIM THE NUMBERS?

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  149. I just realized I put an extra "." in my link. Here is the correct, working one for those of you who want to see how things might have been:
    http://enron.trampolinesystems.com/show_email/18412

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  150. I think someone "got" to our friend, Asschapped. Maybe he was walking to the job car, a van screeched up and some masked DBA ninjas jumped out. Right now they're sweating him down in a room dimly lit by a single bare bulb.
    Man, Louise wasn't kidding when he said, "Most all of you are just stupid little boys who have no idea of what just happened to you."

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  151. Louise,
    Did your daddy tell you not to play here anymore? I gave you my e-mail address and your sack shrunk as fast as the savings on your project.

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  152. Fletch, you did not give your email adress. It took you over a week to come up with a bullshit address which shows your lack of character and intelligence. You bad mouth the company you tell everyone how smart and informed you are and then pretend to have some guts. When someone disagrees you want to censor them. Louise is right you people are just little boys.

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  153. Being an alum from DBA a long, long time ago, I enjoy reading the blog, and know that alot of other alums are getting this address. Please get back to exchanging the horror stories we've all been through, and cut back on the personal attacks. Thats no fun... For those of you who are thinking that you're in consulting hell - you are, but its valuable experience that will prepare you for more lucrative and humane firms in the future. So come on everyone, lets get back to the good stuff.

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  154. You must be on drugs or just stupid this whole sight is about personel attacks.

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  155. Talkshowhost,
    I agree with your comments, however, people like Louise, Chevyman, and Middleman (if not all the same) would like to distroy the blog so they continue with the personal attacks.
    What I do not understand, is why can't they post their real names? That is what DBA sometimes does when they do not get their way, they tend to bully and beat up people. It is their defense mechanism, and that is fine. I will say it again, I will gladly leave once the per diem goes to $40 per day

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  156. Talkshowhost,
    I'm with you. The name calling has become too much. I would like to tell some good ones, but I'm going to wait until everything dies down. If you have a good story, maybe you could start because you are already an alum.

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  157. Great to see some responses already... I may not be as smart as Chevyman, but aren't these one on one battles taking away from what the blog is about - how DBA is screwing everyone?? I'd love to hear about all the boneheaded things PM's and Chiefs on huge ego trips are still doing. I'll get the ball rolling here - for everyone reading this blog, respond back with your top 3 horror stories on what you've seen during your time with DBA - here's mine - Working 20+ hours in 1 day on multiple sup. studies only to find them buried in a corner with the Analyst coming staight out and tell you he was never going to use them, but he needed everyone to look busy, having a 45 minute phone inquisition with the big guy (not Lou...) after DBA found out I knew someone who worked at a client who we were failing miserably at, and having some PM who loved to hear himself talk have us waste an entire Thursday night to craft a staff report around only on quotes we heard from the client on a project we were ready to get booted out of. These are tame compared to other horror stories, but hey, it was a long time ago. It's things like these that piss people off, then we start using things like per diem as the object of our anger. Once you've lived through this crap, and end up in one piece in a better place, you'll appreciate how good it is to read this stuff - so lets get back on point.

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  158. You have no life if you have been away from DBA for awhile and are still interested in this blog. Why not stop all of the generalities like "DBA is screwing everyone". Fletch you are a coward put your real email address up.

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  159. Here's how I read this Louise / Fletch game of blogchicken:

    Louise: "You're silly and don't know what just happened to you."
    Fletch: "If I give you an e-mail address, will you have the balls to give me your phone number?"
    Louise: "Post it here, big boy"
    Fletch: "ilovedba@hotmail.com"
    Louise: (silence and crickets)
    Fletch: "I called your bluff and you flinched"
    Middleman/Louise: "yeah, but that's not your REAL email, and besides, it took you too long to post it."

    So, Louise wants us to believe that if Fletch posts ANOTHER email address in a more timely fashion (although, Fletch posted the email in 4 days, not "over a week" - just another example of a chief using exaggeration of the facts to try and firm up his hollow argument), that will prove that he is not a coward. It couldn’t be that Louise is trying to bait someone into giving up their true identity, could it?

    Give me a break.

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  160. Okay, here goes! I am a current DBA staff member and have been visiting this site for the better part of a year now. At first it was mildly amusing, then it became informative in a “maybe I don’t have it so bad in my current assignment” way, recently it has become unpleasant and problematic. My current client has discovered the site and is quoting it.

    It would appear to me that an opportunity is being missed here. Labor, you got what you wanted…the attention of Management. Management, they may not have chosen the best forum, but the blogsters do make some valid points. Why not attempt to have some meaningful dialogue on what could improve working conditions for DBA staff and perhaps help attract and retain quality personnel? This could well be the first step in preventing the type of horror stories I have read about here from reoccurring. The most obvious question I foresee is why these suggestions are not made in person to my superiors. The answer is they have all been.

    First of all the Per Diem is low. Yes we knew what it was when we took the job, but most of us had not traveled, at least not this extensively for work before. Also, it takes being on the road for a while to really understand some of the “hidden” costs associated with not being at home. I believe the IRS publishes a schedule of Per Diem by location, perhaps this could be the basis of for restructuring. While we are discussing money, the $20 a week cab fare is just silly. Why not eliminate it altogether and reimburse for “reasonable” airport parking instead. With a significant portion of the staff being dropped at the airport it might even save the company money.

    Secondly, time off is a real problem. Two weeks vacation just does not cut it after a while, especially when it takes an amazing amount of effort to use the time and it is not uncommon to have expectations placed on you even on your time off. A seniority based vacation increase is not unusual. Some groups have tried alternating Fridays off with half the team staying and the other half getting Friday off each week. That way the client still has coverage and staff can plan for medical care, banking, and other personal affairs. This could even be incentive based, for instance it only applies when a project savings is ahead of billing. Finally, would management consider implementing a plan for personal days and a bereavement plan? I have seen a lot of inconsistent application in this regard.

    Finally, we need a real Human Resources component to the company. No offence intended to those persons or entities that currently cover aspects of Human Resources. They each function within the limited directives they are given, but where does a staff member appeal when they feel they have been unfairly treated, have questions, or simply need advise. Frankly in spite of recent effort to improve, the normal “chain of command” is not that savvy or responsive when these situations arise. This might also be a means of eliminating the amount of “subjectivity” which surrounds our evaluation and promotions process al well as other quality of employment factors such as when you get to fly somewhere other than your home airport on the company dime and what you get to expense.

    It is not my intention here to get into a long debate. Do not bother attacking me personally as I will not respond. I only wanted to put some potentially constructive ideas on the table. I only plan on posting again should more constructive ideas occur to me, not even to defend those stated above.

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  161. Now some specifics. An advisory group of 3 staff and 3 PMs. The staff will be grade F or greater. This group would meet at the Chiefs Meeting once a quarter. This group would develop a specific agenda and present the agenda to the board prior to the meeting. This would give specific and relevent feed back from the field. This group would be available for contact from anyone in the organization. The advisory group would have a one year tenure and then a new advisory group would take over.

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  162. Moderate voice,
    I finally agree with Louise, well said. It would be nice if acted upon.

    Louise,
    What makes you think it is not my real address, why don't you try it? All I am after is the $40 per diem. If you read some of my earlier comments you will see that I spoke of many positives about DBA, not just the bad stuff. Every job has god and bad. I'll post my 3 stories shortly.

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  163. mr. voice, I hada similer experience with my client who had found this blog and he had quite a laugh. (Hes' probably reading it right now). I told him he should read the good with the bad and that most of the bitching comes from a few bad apples. He saw me with my packed lunch and made a comment about the 30 buck perdiam must be true.
    Louise, why tell me to grow up? I didn't do anything to you. Me and my client are just trying to do the right things to make improvements with only a little time left. So yellat somebody else.

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  164. So I'm on my way home and have 2 hours to sit in the airport and I figured it was a great time to check in on the blog we have all grown to love.. Seeing there is a request for fun DBA stories..Here's one of my favorite stories.. It's week 2, Thursday - with a brand new PM (this PM has been referenced in a previous posts). It was back when we had company credit cards - remember those? Well, to set the tone of the project off correctly, we decided that we were going out on the town (in a big city) to see a baseball game, bar hop, strip clubs, etc.. All was paid for on the company credit card... Including .. the paid sex workers (i guess that's the PC-term for them these days LOL). No one slept at all that night.. Friday am was top client meetings and we all stroll in still drunk..hey - you gotta be able to post-up in this business - right? A Truly GREAT DBA moment. This PM was an AWESOME piece of work. His M.O. was that he would get SO hammered anytime he drank that he couldn't stand. This included every Sunday night flight when he would come directly from the NFL football game .. ripped jeans, t-shirt, and all.. and stagger onto the flight. Just Awesome :) Good times.. on a different topic -I have a similar experience w/ a client mentioning this blog. I got an email from an old ATK client who mentioned that they got a message from someone at Radford who discovered the blog and commented on how accurate the posts were regarding Closky... funny how that happens.. Happy Friday!

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  168. It's been so dead in here; I thought I'd drop by and give a couple of stories. They're not so much "DBA Horror Stories" as "Fond Recollections".
    1. The year was 2001. I was working a project in the swamplands of Louisiana in a huge outdoor chemical plant that ran 24/7/365. Our birdroom was a mobile home converted office. A torrential rainstorm started over night and the local weatherman was calling it a tropical storm that was likely to turn into a hurricane. It was raining sideways. I think it might have been mandolin rain. So we began our shift at 5am and all the staff was all hunkered down in the birdroom, soaked from the walk from the car and not knowing exactly what to do. My area was every bit of a mile walk and none of us had anything more than windbreakers and travel umbrellas – totally unprepared to deal with these extreme elements. The trailer rocked back and forth in the wind. After about a half-an-hour the PM ran in to the trailer, also soaked and stared at all his consultants NOT in their areas during production and asked why the hell we were all still in the birdroom. We pointed out the window with a feeling of dread. He silently walked to the supply closet, pulled out a box of garbage bags and started handing them out. No one spoke a word as we ripped holes in them and pulled them over our heads.
    The next scene will forever be burned in my memory. 10 staff walking out to the plant, bracing against the howling wind and wearing white garbage bag make-shift ponchos.
    This story might sound like I’m complaining, but I’m really not. I learned a valuable lesson that day about the importance of tenacity and persistence in our job. This crystallized in our client’s heads that if they were there working, we were there.
    2. The year was 2003. We were about 70% done with the project at a vacuum cleaner bag plant in Newark and the resource loads were “taking effect”. One of the workers who had been made redundant was leaving the plant for the last time and thought she’d swing by the birdroom for a chat. It was a Friday and we were all there putting the package together and collecting our things. She barged in on the verge of tears with her voice trembling and in a VERY sarcastic voice yelled, “I just wanted to thank you guys for doing such a good job!” and carried on for what seemed forever until she ran out of breath. There was a moment where we were frozen and looking at each other and her like the scene at the OK corral during those few seconds before the shooting started. One of our associates, who apparently did not realize that she had been laid off and was being sarcastic simply stated, “oh, no problem. It’s our pleasure.” This was not the response she was hoping for. She spun around and slammed the door on the way out.
    3. The year was 2006. I was on analysis at a coal fired power plant and assigned to maintenance. I had a fair amount of experience with maintenance departments in the past, so I was naturally expecting to see some “opportunity”. What I saw was laziness so breathtaking, it could be considered art. When my shift began, I had my usual conversation with the two-man team I was assigned to for the day that included me introducing myself and telling them about the notes I would be taking and questions I would be asking. One of the guys interrupted me by saying, “Listen - I don’t give a good goddamn what you write in that book. I’m union and I ain’t gonna lose my job.” I won’t re-write my study for you here, but over the next 8 hours I witnessed a level of frank-spanking that I literally could not believe. I had pages in my study of “sitting in tool room”, “talking on the phone”, and, “went to snack machine while calls came over the radio asking for assistance from maintenance.” To cap it off, 45 minutes before the end of the shift, these two jagoffs drove one of the ONLY maintenance trucks to a corner of the plant and turned the engine off. One guy pulled his hat down to take a nap while the other guy read the paper. I sat in the back of the cab for almost 10 minutes before asking to be let out so I could walk back to the birdroom.
    We got the job.

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  169. Ok, I can't hold it in anymore...

    1. A hurricane was coming and your PM hands you trash bags and sends you out in the storm.
    2. You thought it was funny that someone lost their job and an associate didn't have the brain power (hard to believe) to realize that said employee had her world crumble after what was most likely years working there.
    3. Heard the story before from an old PM who was stranded with the supervisor in the middle of an oil field. The nap lasted for over an hour the first time the tale was told.

    Seriously, how could ANY of your examples show what a good company DBA is and be examples of good times? Nobody cared that you were in the hurricane and could have had a tree land on the 10 of you, the PM was dry and that's what matters. It's always a hoot to get people fired whether it's the right thing or not (gotta get those savings, f'em). That fuckers' eating a sandwhich, he's worthless. Your third example was just stolen from someone else. It's a mythical story that gets passed down from generation to generation. In DBA chronology, a generation is about 6 months by the way.

    DBA cares nothing about anyone or anything other than DBA's bottom line. You showed examples as to how DBA proves just that day in and day out. We've all got stories as to how the client got hosed.

    I'll write more later if anyone even gets on this blg anymore. I've recently left the building and I've got plenty to say. Hell yeah, I'm bitter.

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  170. What a long summer! I often wonder how many of the paranoid chefs come to this blog religiously to check if their name has popped up. I know that some of you do. What about all the others that come here for entertainment, missed the fun? It is interesting that the chefs who are not dragged through the mud find us all very funny, but be careful, you never know when the turds might poke their heads.

    Bubba,
    Well said, but maybe Gary lived through at least one of those. DBA has always been about the bottom line and will always be for the bottom line, no matter what. It has never been "client, company, self" and never will. But that is ok, it is the model, and they follow it.

    I just want my $40 per diem. I keep having flashbacks to 1987 and getting $30 then... wow, I could really get a nice dinner and spend a few bucks at a strip club with Lee. Now I have to settle for a sandwich and watch HBO real late at night.

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  171. I apologize, I do believe I heard he was the one standing next to louise when that yield sign got stuck in her thigh.

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  172. Management,

    Thank you for listening.

    August 10, 2007

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  173. For those who asked, the yield sign was blown by the hurricane force winds in example number 1. It was a bad joke, sorry. As for those of us that no longer work for DBA, what did they listen to moderatevoice or were you being facetious?

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  174. bubba,

    mind your own business buddy.

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  175. Hey Rottersall,
    I see you found how to turn off the caps...would that be evolution, just simple luck, or did the little asian guy give you a 1 on 1?
    I forgot how funny you were.

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  176. Hello. Anybody here????

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  177. We're all here.....silent.

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  178. LOOK WHAT I FOUND

    My discussion here will cover three main topics.

    1. The manner in which you berated the PM on XXXXXX in front of his subordinates was and is untenable. In conjunction with the assigning tasks directly to his people without consulting him is simply an inexcusable breach of basic management decorum. The chain of command willfully broken by any individual of higher rank or status makes this chain a matter of indifference. This in turn undermines the PMs authority and subsequently his ability to effectively direct his reports. Your manner in directing in any form is at best lacking in respect at worst condescending, abusive and surly.

    2. At the beginning of the project XXXXXX I was taking an flight. You forbad me from
    continuing this. However when an associate moved over from XXXXX he took an early flight.
    I was required to ride with him to the airport to save money but could not take an earlier flight
    by your decree. I suppose this was an effort to humiliate me in front of a peer as you humiliated
    the PM in front of his subordinates. I am interested if your attorneys definition of discrimination is the same as my attorneys. You have obvious favorites and show favoritism on a frequent basis.

    3. I found it interesting that names were left off the list of those that contributed to the XXXX
    Projects at the business meeting. The reason for bringing this up is again I assume this was to humiliate some in front of their peers. I am sure of this as I am sure you prepared your client properly for this Presentation. You of course were insistent that do extensive preparation with our clients.

    I found your email concerning my initial submittal of the Master Schedule, both non instructive and not constructive. The email “THIS MAKES ABSOLUTLY NO SENSE” with no further contact about this matter was a poor method of addressing the issue. This is especially true since you knew I had never done a master schedule prior to XXXXXXX. Chapter Four of the Orientation Manual should be wholly reviewed as to expectation and accuracy. This passage does not serve the lowly Associate well.

    This is but a short list of your management indiscretions. I had every intention of having my say at the XXXXXXXXXXX and I did not wish to reflect badly on DBA. Until XXXXXX I enjoyed what I did and looked forward to the challenge and reward of our business. It would behoove you to remove the praise “Client Company Self” from your Orientation Manual, page 6. To have this remain is a breach of ethics as you fail to practice this at any level.

    I choose to leave not due to the words or the actions but due to my inability to respect the individual in position of authority that drives her “style” of disrespect down through the ranks. This is a cancer not a point of pride.

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  179. Well, well, well. It looks like this blog isn't entirely dead. And I wonder which chief was on the receiving end of this. I've got a guess. If a few people post their guesses, I'll throw mine up here too.

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  180. I wonder which "her" that was that could have caused another one to break free from the ranks?
    Oh, there's plenty of us that still come in to check on the DBA police blotter from time to time Lurker.
    I'm surprized though that nobody posted the news already, DBA made it to the Supreme Court. Congrats DBA, not many cases get that far! How many cases actually get that far? Maybe, 401(k)? I personally think it was that "we're never wrong, kiss our rear" attitude that got you there. Whatever it was, you sure took it to the extreme over $150k didn't you!

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  182. http://www.proudfootconsulting.com/
    Above is a way out more money, better hotels, off every other friday to work at home and fly out on monday mornings. Send resume to:

    denisemiller@proudfootconsulting.com

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  184. Anonymous7:09 PM

    anybody here

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  185. Anonymous7:12 PM

    Seems like there is an epidemic of people leaving at DBA? Any thoughts?

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  186. Anonymous7:13 PM

    I have seen several upper staff sending resignations in just the last week 3.

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  189. Anonymous1:10 AM

    seems quiet Did the entire lead staff change?

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  190. Anonymous2:51 PM

    Hey it's Carrotjucing. It has been awhile and it is strange to see this blog still going. Does anyone know how DBA is doing in this troubled economy? I can't see how they could with airfare through the roof and companies cutting back everywhere. Let me know.

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  191. Anonymous5:50 PM

    Did DBA loose all its talent? I heard down to 90 people? Also downgraded all staff 2 letter grades last quarter?

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  192. Anonymous7:25 AM

    Wow did happen to everyone? This was a hugely informative blog. Come back everyone! DBA employees, how is everything going? Same? Worse?

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  193. Anonymous11:16 AM

    Its 2010 now - has it changed for the better of ...whats new per diem, everyone share a car, still brownnosing to be promoted, iss it a career or just a stepping stone to another job.

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  194. Anonymous11:16 AM

    Looks like this blog died out. Too bad, it was quite entertaining. I'm a former DBAer with a funny story.

    The client was Chrysler. I was wakling the plant floor around 10:30AM and noticed what smelled like BBQ. Upon rounding a corner my jaw dropped. The union workers were grilling burgers inside the plant! They would rotate every half hour with half of the crew performing the work (one person doing two's work), while the other half enjoyed the party. This went on for three hours!

    Funny stuff.

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  195. Anonymous10:24 PM

    New to DBA... This blog has been informative and a lot of fun. DBA is doing very well. The base pay was increased and they are spending more time with the "Green Pea's" although we are not to be called Green Pea's... It is the new Kinder Gentler DBA. Too bad for all of you old folks. The new leadership of Mike Owens has a lot to do with the changes.

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  196. Anonymous6:15 PM

    Why would any corporation hire you guys?

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  197. Anonymous9:07 AM

    My company is looking into hiring DBA....what should we expect? What is the good, the bad, the ugly for a client of DBA? Just curious as to what we should expect......AD

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  198. Anonymous10:00 AM

    I would't hire them just do observations on each process look to reduce cycle time and reduce headcount on your own and you will save your company 8k per week per person.

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